I had a tarot card reading this week. It did not go as expected! Note to self: just because someone is “spiritual” does not mean they are kind, or know how to hold space.

I had been following this guy on YouTube for a few weeks and liked his style. He’s British, so right away I was a little bit smitten! I have a thing for Brits, I think it’s their sense of humour. So, when he advertised a 50%-off flash sale on Zoom readings, my spidey sense started tingling. Obviously, I checked his Web site to see who this person really is before committing. Turns out he’s sober, too. Well, say no more! That was my sign.

Having never had my cards read before, I didn’t know what to expect. I was excited. I told myself that they’re just pieces of paper with pretty pictures on them, and don’t hold any real power. But really, what I wanted to hear was that all my dreams were about to come true. I would meet the proverbial Tall, Dark and Handsome, who would sweep me off my feet to his manor in the English countryside, where I would be free to finally write my book, surrounded by my loving animals, a doting partner and a community of hilarious Brits. Ha! The societal conditioning runs deep, my friends, very deep.

As soon as our session started, I knew this would not go well. He was distant and distracted. He did not explain how tarot works or what he would be doing. I became nervous, and felt myself close up like a clam. He periodically glanced at my astrology chart and made comments like “Black Moon Lilith just crossed your XYZ.” Okaaaay. Care to elaborate? He didn’t.

Evidently, my cards were not pleasing. He proceeded to ask me a series of pointed, personal questions that I was uncomfortable answering.

Him: “Do you consider yourself emotionally available?”

Me: “Yes.”

Him: “Well, you’re not.”

And that set the tone for the entire reading. I came away feeling invalidated, small, ashamed of myself and disempowered. But boy, did I learn a big, fat lesson that day:

TRUST YOURSELF. Trust your experience and trust how you feel. Only YOU know the truth of your life experience, no matter what your therapist, coach, yoga instructor or other well-meaning (or not so well-meaning) person in your life tells you. Ultimately, every person’s view of life is coloured by their baggage, no matter how “evolved” or “educated” they are. No one is 100% objective, and no one has lived the life that you have, with its ups and downs and twists and turns.

Let your intuition be your guide. How do you feel after you’ve spent time with someone? Better, or worse? Good about yourself, or bad? Let that be your only yardstick. You felt uplifted after your chat? Good, take their advice into consideration. Did they make you feel unseen or even foolish? They are not for you. Don’t let them take your power away or doubt yourself. Instead, use the experience as a way to improve your discernment about people, and be kind to yourself. Emotional invalidation is damaging; no, you are not “too sensitive.”

Getting sober is not an easy thing. It requires courage, and often we’re faced with people who think they know better than us what we need, how we feel and what we should do (“Come on, I’m sure you can have just one. What’s the harm?”). But unless they’ve been down there in the trenches, they don’t know what it’s like. Trust your gut. Find people who support you and understand what you’re going through, and let go of those who don’t. Ultimately, life is too short not to be surrounded by people who uplift us.